Journal 84
Thursday - 11-18-10
This exhaustion is killer. Haven't truly slept in three days -- so tired when I mean to go to bed… And then I'm not sleepy, as soon as I lie down.
Was looking forward to two lessons today, and then…
Vitaly - Late to lesson, half hour. No warning this time. =>_<=
Eventually, after 15-20 minutes of waiting on his ass, I grabbed a light jacket, my French copy of, "The Little Prince," and sat myself down to read, until he came in. I was cranky -- see not truly having slept for three days and him not even having the courtesy to warn me of his lateness -- and I wasn't going to tucker myself out, if he didn't plan on being there for an hour.
He walked in, finally, asked, "Why are you sitting???"
I responded, "I *had* warmed up -- and then you were late." And shrugged.
I also guess he didn't understand when I said I had to leave - I wound up being late to Lesson with Russians, too.
As I was leaving, I tried to ask him to warn me when he was going to be late -- he said something to the effect of, "Sometimes, things just come up," and then, "I don't understand what you're saying." I repeated, "Next time -- warn me, when you are going to be late." And then had to rush out.
Part of me worries I may have looked a little more bitch-like than I meant to be. It's a very small part, granted. In reality, I knew it could have been much, much worse -- because when I get cranky from exhaustion, it's kind of a bad scene… I get snappy, and impatient, I am easily frustrated, and before I can stop myself, with some final, eensy provocation, there's usually a sudden shower of tears, accompanied by a piteous moan of, "I just want to sleeeeeeep….!" = @_@ = It's truly reminiscent of a 5-year-old that's missed their nap. [Aside from the fact that it's so disturbing when it happens out of nowhere, once everyone around me gets over the shock of seeing me reduced to the level of a sleep-deprived-toddler, the occurrence is probably some form of hilarious.]
All that aside, we worked on Paso. Where I pretty much failed in every way, shape, and form possible. You know, 'cause it's a new dance. And I have ZERO idea of what I'm doing. [Vitaly probably knew that was coming, and I should have, too, from the odd smile that crossed his face when he asked what I wanted to work on, and I responded, "Paso. … … What?! … … What's with that smile??" "Nothing."]
Related - I REALLY hate being shown what I'm doing wrong, in dance form. I know, I should get over this, but it really just feels like a grand mockery. Which, I also guess it's kind of supposed to be, 'cause then you certainly don't want to look that bad, so then you're supposed to dance it correctly… = O_o = Still… It feels like, on a normal day, "Ha ha, you look like such an idiot, check this out!" Now, amp that up by 11, when you are sleep deprived and self-conscious, and already feeling bad about your abilities during the given week.
Also - Sleep deprivation will make you completely incapable of figuring out how to wind your wrists around one and other -- so that you will have to have your teacher try to show you what to do no less than 10 times, with you failing spectacularly every time, and then giving him a pathetic, "Quoi?? … I know, this is easy, and I'm full of fail…" look.
Also also - I may have inadvertently given Vitaly the, "Touch me again, and I'll drive a thousand rusty daggers through you / Break your fingers one segment at a time," look, when he accidentally shoved me during one of the above mentioned, "This is how you wind your hands… For the millionth time…" demonstrations. Ha ha ha, seriously, I felt it as soon as I shot the look at him, and my next thought was, "Wow… That was the look I used to give my little brother when he'd be shoving at me/doing something annoying/mischievous, and I'd be mad, but know it would be improper to deck 'im!"
I take all of this to understand that my body language was just screaming, "Unfriendly and frustrated" today. Whoops.
*****
Good news! Have a hair appointment set up on Saturday, so I'll have something nice and pretty for the Marine Corps Ball!! The place is literally a quarter of a block away from the Embassy. I shouldn't have to worry about my hair getting messed up on the way from the salon to the Embassy now. Ha ha ha.
*****
So, I went to the studio tonight to try and practice… Roma left yesterday for a little trip, and he won't be back until Tuesday, so it was just me.
Talked with one of my darling Katyas (the one who goes to my university), and Yana came up a little later -- and they are both just amazing. I was starting to tell Katya how I was tired and frustrated, from not being able to sleep, from having such bad lessons, and feeling like I was just absolutely awful. Yana came up during the latter half of it -- and while I didn't understand everything that they said, I basically got some of the kindest words I could ever hope to hear. They were so encouraging, saying something to the effect of that I certainly had improved, Paso is a hard dance, and something to the effect of [here is where I didn't understand the most] that I was such a hard worker, my desire to become better was so clearly visible, that it was/still is impressive to them.
If I ever needed a pick-me-up, it was certainly this week/tonight, and I am so grateful to them for what they said to me. It meant so much to hear….
Masha was finally back, and she and I got to have a good heart-to-heart too. I missed her! (And she missed me. He he.) We are planning to go out to watch a movie and go ice skating on Sunday. I can't wait!! It's going to be lots of fun.
*****
Came home early
I love my Host mum, "Keitlan -- You're not sick are you??? You're home [from dance] so early!"
-- It's true. I got back around 9 ish. Masha and I left early. I'd gotten to the studio around 5:15. We left around 7:30.
I even had stopped at a shoe store on the way home!!!
Which, turned out to be one of the best decisions I made today!!!
You see, I stopped in to look at shoes to go with the dress I'm wearing to the Ball on Saturday. What I did *not* expect to see was that the pair of "Newsprint" boots that had caught my eyes from the store window back in *September* were on sale… Sale sale… Well over half off. Ladies and Gentlemen… I bought a pair of killer, sexy boots, in *Moscow* for just under *$40 USD.*
That's unheard of!!
I was thrilled.
Also fun -- while in the store, I had a few language moments. Mostly some words missing -- and eventually, the man trying on shoes next to me asked me, "Where are you from?" He then went on to say, "Your Russian is perfect!!" -- I was thinking to myself, "If it were perfect, you'd never have asked where I was from…" But I took the compliment. =^__^=
Actually, today was kind of full of that sort of thing.
I helped a guy from Tajikistan get to where he needed to go, when I was on my way to the second studio, for my lessons this afternoon. He asked me where the building was, and when I saw it was where I was going, it was just easier to say, "Come with me, I'm going there." [Funny, that's how I met the guys from Kazakhstan on the Metro…] Except, of course, I didn't say it quite right, and he said, "You're not from here, are you?"
"No," I admitted.
"That's okay, I'm not either." He smiled.
So then, we walked and talked, and he also complimented me on my Russian.
Then, when I was at the university today -- though I take this one with a grain of salt -- one of the guards was chatting with me, and remarking to the other guard how well I spoke in Russian, and they were both chatting with me about another student from before who was always around the university, and had good Russian. … I say that I take this one with a grain of salt, because the one who struck up the conversation can't be much older than myself, and he always gets this huge smile on his face whenever I say hi. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm pretty. *laughs*
**********
Looking forward to the Excursion to see a dance troupe who specialize in Russian National dances. And before that, I'm having lunch with another girl from my program, at Hard Rock Café! Whoo! She's super nice, and we've been dying to get together for ages -- but we've both been very busy. So, we're both excited.
Much love,
Moscow Kitty
No comments:
Post a Comment