Journal 64 - Bad Night

Journal 64

10-29-10

BAD NIGHT

my partner and Vitaly really don't like each other. XD

And, Vitaly took me to task tonight something awful. Twice, even.

And then I got the warning, "If you (two) ever study with someone else, without my consent again, you (me) can say goodbye to me (for good)."

Bad. Bad. Night.

So, I got a dance partner

This is good news

But when I got said dance partner, Vitaly was still sick

There was some frustration about not having lessons

Roma (partner) and I asked one of the studio owners (Larissa), mostly at Roma's behest, if there was anyone else we could work with, while Vitaly was out

She recommended Artëm to us, said we could work with him, to get our choreography faster, etc.

Now... My thought process goes as follows:

I'm uneasy about this.

Mostly because I don't think it's going to sit well with Vitaly, if we are going to someone else.

But we need our choreography, it's true.

And partner wants to try new coaches.

So - We finally have one lesson with Vitaly together, earlier this week

We start Rumba

Then, we have a lesson with Artëm the other day (because Vitaly was busy)

... And Artëm changes almost everything Vitaly did for us

... Which is NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. GOOD.

EVER.

You may be wondering, "So why didn't you like "We're doing it this way Artem, so just learn us like that."

The answer is, we showed him, and then he either: a. didn't like how it looked on us/my partner; or b. thought that we wouldn't be allowed to use some of the stuff, because of the level we'll be dancing at.

I'm not entirely sure.

I just know I was a worried the whole time.

The other problem related to this - I thought that either Larissa or Roma had talked to Vitaly about this

... I was mistaken

So, we have lessons with Vitaly today

At the not-usual studio

I was already told once before, when things are busy, we're not allowed to dance on the floor, warm up, etc. And it was very busy today.

Today though, we had a lesson coming up (though Vitaly was running late)

As it was approaching the time I thought Vitaly might be ending his lesson with the other couple, I asked someone sitting behind the desk if Roma and I could start to warm up, in a corner somewhere, because we had a lesson

The lady tells me no

"Even though we have a lesson?" I press.

"No."

Not wanting to raise hell -- because I can't fight back in Russian yet -- I dropped it, and went back to Roma. Though, I wondered why on Earth I, the girl who doesn't speak Russian fluently, was the one to be going and asking if we could warm up, etc. = O_o =

Then, the fun began.

A little bit before Vitaly ends his lesson, he looks at us sitting down, not doing anything, and he yells at me from across the hall, "Why are you just sitting down!?!? Why aren't you warming up?!"

Something in that vein (though with some I didn't understand), and, as I heard it, with more than a little annoyance/upsetness in his voice.

I got up, and moved towards him -- to try to get him to stop yelling (because it's already embarrassing/stressful when someone is yelling at you for "why aren't you doing X/Y/Z" -- but in a foreign language, and you're worried 'cause you didn't understand some of what has just been yelled at you, and why are they yelling at you, etc, etc. etc.

And so, I get closer to Vitaly, and tell him it's not that we didn't want to be warming up -- but I'd already been told when it's busy, we're not allowed to practice/dance on the floor; and that I'd asked the lady sitting behind the desk, and she told me we couldn't dance

And Vitaly just bursts out, "That's ridiculous! You have a lesson -- you should be warming up!"

'--I know, but she said we couldn't --'

"Who said that??"

'That lady, behind the desk, over there....'

"You shouldn't have asked -- you should just have been warming up!"

Etc.

Insert me apologizing, and trying not to get too stressed out, because someone who's never yelled at me in my life is suddenly, comparatively, raging at me.

(Raging is a very strong word. "Snapping" is probably more fitting. But it felt like it might as well have been "raging," considering, like I said, Vitaly has basically never raised his voice to me. Ever. Just one time, and even then, it lasted for all of 5 seconds.)

So, we go off, and just start to warm up, and Vitaly says to come on, let's go - show him Rumba

.... Which is where it comes out we've been to see someone else, and some things are different

Then add a bad run-through, even of Artem's version of things (my partner forgot some things)

Vitaly stalks off for a minute -- leaving my partner enough time for us to feel a sense of impending doom, and for me to give Roma a look, and say, "He is NOT happy…"

Roma agrees, and then Vitaly walks back up. To me, at least, visibly bristling.

..... And then I get yelled at again, over this whole "going to someone else without telling me" affair

Casting Roma *completely* aside, Vitaly zeroes in on me, and quietly yells at me, that, "You should have *warned* me, that you were going to go to someone else. *You* should have talked to me *first.*"

So basically, exactly what I was worried about happening, if we went to someone else, happened.

And he asked me why on Earth we would do that, and I tried to explain that Larissa had told us she wanted us to get our routines all taken care of quickly; or to have someone to go to when Vitaly wasn't there, or busy (which I added, because Vitaly had been there the last week -- but had been busy)

And he did counter with, "I was *here* all this past week," etc. etc.

I responded, again, "But you were very busy this week -- you have the competition to be worrying about, and your lessons with Peter Maxwell, all of that."

Suffice it to say, I felt terrible by the time that was all finished

Not to mention, I'm standing there, trying not to get my partner in trouble, trying not to make it all sound like Larissa (because we did go to her, too), and trying not to outright *Martyr* myself -- AND, have I mentioned? I CAN'T FIGHT BACK IN RUSSIAN, AND ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN PEOPLE ARE ANGRY AT ME!!! Though, I also freely admit milking that vein of, "I don't know how to say this in Russian -- *stare at the ceiling, pretending/really thinking hard, trying to come up with answers in a fashion that isn't going to result in more anger*"

In the end, I basically did martyr myself. Along the lines of:

*grovel grovel* "Yes, I should have come to you," *grovel grovel*, "This is all my fault -- I am guilty..."

Cultural note: Saying, "I am guilty / This is my fault" (Masculine: "Ya vinovat;" Feminine: 'Ya vinovata,") works wonders with Russians. This is a secret I remembered, and used more tonight than I ever have in my life.

The idea behind that is that there are two stereotypical questions, when it comes to dealing with Russians/Russia:

"What to do?"

"Who's to blame?"

Taking full responsibility for something is not something that happens.

So, it did actually shake Vitaly up a bit, when I looked at him, crazy upset myself, and said firmly, "Ya vinovata." For about a split second, I think he felt a pang of regret for having yelled at me -- or it at least seemed like he saw I wasn't actually the guilty one.

After I groveled for a sufficient amount of time, I/we received

a lecture from a still steaming mad Vitaly, about how he's going to have his way of looking at things (i.e. his vision for our choreography, and what we should be doing), and someone else is going to have theirs -- you can't mix black and white, it will never work, etc.

Which, to a certain degree is right.

We should never have shown the Rumba to Artem to have him work on that.

Given that Rumba was now associated with crossed feelings, we had our lesson on Samba.

And the whole time, not only is Vitaly still mad/upset (at the least), I'm seeing what I saw between my partner and Vitaly during our first lesson together, and even worse:

Which is to say, Vitaly's teaching style -- while it does me just fine -- doesn't do a thing for Roma.

Roma is the kind of student/dancer, where he would like everything to be broken down as it is being given. A little bit at a time, so to speak. Learn to do it exactly how it should be done, and then move on to the next bit.

Vitaly, as far as choreography goes, is of the school, "Let's make this thing, run through it, and then we'll go back and fix it."

Artëm follows the style that suits Roma more.

Vitaly's style has given Roma the impression that Vitaly isn't interested in giving knowledge while teaching.

Not to mention, there's just this really, REALLY awkward energy between them ... Like the kind that says that they don't like each other -- but politeness dictates that they just don't say it.

It's not helpful to me, or to my partnership, to have my partner (and the one who is supposed to be leading) not understand what he is supposed to do, or how he is supposed to do it -- and it's doubly unhelpful if he is uncomfortable with our coach.

I'm on edge, because Roma's already made it clear -- body-language wise -- that he is never going to work well with Vitaly as our coach. And when asked, it's also clear that he prefers Artëm. [I talked to him about all of the day's unhappiness after our lessons.]

He took note of how distressed I am about the whole situation though, and he agreed that he will tell Vitaly *before* our next lessons on Monday, that he learns better doing things bit by bit, with a good explanation, rather than all at once, as sort of a last effort to get the teaching/learning styles to meet.

Still, I'm afraid that it's pretty much already decided. (That Roma won't want to work with Vitaly.)

At which point, seeing how Vitaly already reacted, I'm worried that he will tell me he won't teach even just me anymore.

If, as a pair, we need to make the switch to working with Artem... It's possible for me to do, for the health of the partnership. But I still want to take lessons (myself, at least) with Vitaly. And I don't want this mess fucking up my relationship (professionally) with Vitaly, because he suits me very, very well as a coach. A point I made *very* clear to Roma.

So now, I'm just kinda sick with nerves about it all.

*****

... If I believe what Vitaly said later, I didn't offend him myself.

I sent Vitaly a message after the lesson, apologizing again for having offended him, etc. And he responded with a message saying that I didn't offend him, but he didn't understand Larissa's position. (E.g. - That she would have sent us to someone different, just for wanting us to get our routines quickly.)

I breathed a little easier -- for all of 10 seconds -- and then a second message arrived… Which carried a rather dire warning:

"If you two ever study with someone else without my consent again, you [meaning me] can say goodbye to me [for good]."

[ " Если вы еще раз позанимаетесь без моего согласия, можешь cо мной попрощаться… %-) " ]

I was so shocked when I read it, that I reverted to scholastic mode -- noting the intricacies of meaning derived from usage of the "Formal/Plural You," the "Informal You," and the verb, "poproschat," which means, "To say goodbye forever."

(It's like French's, "Au revoir," and "Adieu." "Au revoir," being your normal "goodbye," and "adieu," being when you expect to never see someone again.)

Also, I was completely thrown off by the "google-eyed" smiley face thing. I showed it to a good Russian friend of mine, and exclaimed, "What the Hell does this mean!? How can you make a smiley face with a message that serious?!?!"

I also checked with her, if my translation of Vitaly's second message was correct, and she told me that I was right on.

Oh, life.

PS - Yes, I did share the messages with Roma. They were part of my, "I want us do do well for this partnership, but I won't let my relationships that are good for me get f&%$-ed up because you don't like someone," schpeal.

**********

Other events for the night included Roma and I going to check out a salsa lesson.

There was a little confusion, because I thought we were going out to dance somewhere, but it was actually a lesson lesson.

… Where I guess it was only a beginning lesson, or something, but I definitely knew more than the guy was giving us! Not to sound arrogant -- it's just that we weren't dancing in pairs, basically the entire time, and I didn't learn a single new thing.

The one 5 minute span or so where we got to dance with a partner, I wound up teaching Roma some things.

**************

Either the ballroom tournament tomorrow, or the Marine House Halloween party. All my Marines are trying to get me to ditch the tournament for the party. We'll see, hmm?

Love,

MK

=^__^=