Journal 69
11-3-10
School -
Started to work with Tamara Evgen'evna last time, on the subject of the plusses and minuses about life in the Soviet Union. She was worried that I might be bored with the subject material (even though I asked for it), and I made sure to tell her that this was very interesting to me, because we hardly learned anything about Russia or the Soviet Union when I was in school. And what we learned… Well, it was pretty heavily skewed.
That led to a discussion about how that basically happens all over the world, even today.
Then I reiterated that this information was interesting to me, because the things that were going on then, those events were shaping the lives of my grandparents, and my parents. It is all very important to me!
When class ended, we started talking about Military downsizings, etc -- after the Soviet Union fell apart. It was interesting, she said that her father was forced out of the military during Krushchev's military reductions. I was surprised to hear that.
The same things happen the world-around.
**********
Tried to go to practice… My shoulder started hurting more and more as the day progressed -- it got to the point I couldn't put on or take off my jackets without pain… Thus, you can imagine, I couldn't really practice.
We tried to lead one of the other moves that I'd gotten in trouble for being heavy and not connected on -- and it hurt so badly I almost cried.
We ran through some things slowly, but there was just no way I could really make a connection, so we said, "Okay, we'll just practice ourselves."
But I saw Roma just sitting or standing mostly after that… Apparently, he doesn't like practicing just himself. This bothered, and still bothers me, quite a bit. I mean, you HAVE to be willing and able to work on yourself, if you want to get better as a dancer. I don't understand just flat out, "I'm not going to practice if I don't have someone to practice with." = O-o =
So then, I was frustrated about my shoulder, and almost mad at or resentful towards Roma, for what I saw as, "being lazy." It was the same feeling I'd run into the other day, when Roma was sitting more, and I was continuing to practice, as we were waiting for our lessons. Ack.
In Roma's defense though -- everybody has days where they just don't feel like practicing by themselves, and it's possible that's all it was. Also, I'm more than a little wound-up from all the stressful things that have happened in the last week [including *my* being the one unable to practice with him, because I'm hurt] -- thus, that whole last section is more of a rant, and should really just be ignored. = @_@ =
*****
I tried to practice myself, but it was tough. I couldn't use my arms correctly -- and just trying to keep the arm of my injured shoulder tucked in also doesn't really help. Sometimes you need that contrast in the body, and I couldn't do it.
There was a brief, brief, brief, glimmer of a bright spot, when I put something Hans Gilke had said at our group lesson into practice (back when Hans, Carmen, and Brian had come to the studio) -- and it helped my spins, SO much -- including the semi-impossible one that Vitaly gave me on Monday … But as soon as I started feeling great about it, and did a FOUR-SPIN version of the semi-impossible one … It evaporated.
You know, when you do something just about perfectly, and it all works in order, and you get all excited and happy about it -- and then you can't ever do it again?
Yeah. That's what happened.
And then I got even more frustrated at myself, "I'm hurt -- Vitaly says I've gotten worse -- I just HAD it, WHY can't I do it anymore?!?!" Oh, I kicked the dead horse from here to Kingdom Come.
So I finally decided to go home, after doggedly pursuing that incredible, "four spins" for another half an hour or so, and failing miserably.
*****
One positive though -- aside from the ONE time I did the spin crazy well -- there is a samba song that I have been absolutely going insane trying to find. Every time I have heard it played in the studio, no one has the actual name of the song, or the artist, on their ipods/phones/music players. I heard it again tonight, and started asking my dancer friends if they knew the song. One of the boys, who's always been super kind to me, though I don't know his name (I feel so bad!), had it on his phone, and gave me all the info!!! I was so excited!!!!!!
In other news, I talked with Artëm a little today… He asked how our choreography was coming, and I admitted to him that Vitaly had been really displeased that we'd worked with him -- that no one had said anything to him. I think Artëm also was surprised that Larissa hadn't said anything to Vitaly about it. But Artëm took it well, when I said I didn't know if we could work with him more at the moment...
**********
I messaged Mulzoff on my way home -- and he told me that they were having a bbq at the House that night. Coincidentally, I received that message once I'd arrived at the EXACT same Metro station where I'd gotten grabbed just a few nights prior. Mumbling a very sarcastic, "Funny," in my head, I turned around at that station -- this time, without incident -- and headed on over to the embassy.
It was a quiet night, and SO needed and appreciated. There weren't too many of us -- 7 or 8 of us -- so it was just me getting to have a good time with my friends, and have some good food.
They found out I had hurt my shoulder, and William was kind enough to make me an ice pack -- and then I had to "talk down" a group of them from going to teach Vitaly a lesson about hurting me. Ha ha ha. It was very, "Awww…. That's really nice of you, but I really don't think you should take an axe to go see him." It was good for a laugh for me.
*****
Elias was kind enough to give me a ride home -- where I started once again to work on my journal outlines -- because I'm so behind I'm using chat logs again to catch up -- and then I fell into bed at some late, God-forsaken hour.
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