Straight from the computer file:
A few re-caps, before I start in the present:
One last orientation this morning, one last flurry of packing, and disbelief at how a suitcase actually managed to be shut.
Luggage thankfully under *way* overweight -- otherwise the fine would have been $350 instead of $150. It would have been cheaper to buy and check another bag (Probably no more than 70 or 80 altogether…) -- but I just didn't want to lug 4 bags around once we got to Moscow.
Got one last look at the Air Force Memorial as we crossed the river on the bus, and had a last moment to say goodbye to Granddaddy, and to something of the US itself.
Sitting in the terminal could be described as interesting, or, "uniquely me" at best: as I was sitting at the gate, waiting to board for Moscow, I was working on my journal from China!
Once on the plane, I almost thought my silver carry-on piece wasn't going to store up top, because I couldn't get it to go in the bin, at all! But a flight attendant did help me, and we maneuvered it in ok. It seems I just had it on a hump or something.
As we rumbled down the runway, and the roar of the engines and the air rushing past us filled my ears, the thought occurred to me as we lifted off: "Nothing will ever be the same." If there's anything I feel at all right now, it's that. Ever present, and dominating -- that's the feeling. Right now, I'm not scared, I"m not nervous, I'm not excited, I'm not happy, I'm not sad, I'm not anything. A surprising thing for me to say, and for some of you to hear, I'm sure; but that's the way it is. It's just a knowledge of, 'This trip is different,' 'When I step off the plane, the bubble I'm in right now will be gone.' Because, really, this plane is a bubble of sorts. Here and now, my biggest worries are: "Well, damn, I can't eat the entree of my dinner because it's a curry that's too spicy for me," and, "When the flight attendant asks if I want a drink, do I answer her in English, or try out my Russian?" But everything is still so very "safe." There's still a net of English speakers, and I am still functionally fluent, and composed, and competent -- *knowledgeable.* That's the keyword, isn't it? Because in less than 7 hours, I won't be knowledgeable anymore. I won't be fluent, I won't be competent, I won't be the put-together, well-spoken girl that people in the US know me for. I will be just another person in a tough, and gritty city -- another person trying to make my way; another student trying to claw out an existence, and to attain some level of understanding as soon as I possibly can.
Will it be tough? -- Yes.
Will I be scared? -- You bet.
Will I get angry at myself? -- Do you even have to ask?
Am I going to make the most of every second in every day, every opportunity I can grab a hold of, and every contact that I come across? -- You better believe it.
I am not on this plane to Moscow for a cakewalk. I knew that going into this whole process of trying to apply, and I know that right now, even as I'm typing. I'm going to be pushing myself to the breaking point more than once, on many different levels: as a person, as an athlete, as a student, and even more. There are just some things, however, that we don't do because they are easy. We do them because they are challenges, and because there is something worthwhile waiting at the summit. If I had nothing to gain from this experience, I certainly never would have embarked on it. All I can hope is that at least some of the goals I have set for myself are attainable, and that I am surprised by surpassing even my own expectations. Of course, I'll surpass nothing if I don't work for it -- so I'll be striving for the summit with everything I've got.
Many of you may have heard me say, "I don't know what will happen after Moscow [and Paris, by extension]." That's still true, even as we speak. I have ZERO idea of what the next four months, and the next 14 months all told, are going to bring me. All I intend to do is to be open to everything, and work my butt off (not literally, fear not, all you fans of my fanny). Oh, and remember that, "Повтoрение мать учение." (Repetition is the mother of learning.) When the right things come along, I'm sure I'll have an idea of what to do next. Currently, first on the list is, "Survive," and immediately following that is, "Assimilate." Afterwards, it's, "Find a place to celebrate Chinese New Year, and play MAH JONG!!" (What??? You didn't think this piece was going to be all doom and gloom, did you? =^_~= ) Besides, finding a dance studio, coaches, and a partner all come slightly before the Mah Jong. But only just…. Ha ha ha!
A few re-caps, before I start in the present:
One last orientation this morning, one last flurry of packing, and disbelief at how a suitcase actually managed to be shut.
Luggage thankfully under *way* overweight -- otherwise the fine would have been $350 instead of $150. It would have been cheaper to buy and check another bag (Probably no more than 70 or 80 altogether…) -- but I just didn't want to lug 4 bags around once we got to Moscow.
Got one last look at the Air Force Memorial as we crossed the river on the bus, and had a last moment to say goodbye to Granddaddy, and to something of the US itself.
Sitting in the terminal could be described as interesting, or, "uniquely me" at best: as I was sitting at the gate, waiting to board for Moscow, I was working on my journal from China!
Once on the plane, I almost thought my silver carry-on piece wasn't going to store up top, because I couldn't get it to go in the bin, at all! But a flight attendant did help me, and we maneuvered it in ok. It seems I just had it on a hump or something.
As we rumbled down the runway, and the roar of the engines and the air rushing past us filled my ears, the thought occurred to me as we lifted off: "Nothing will ever be the same." If there's anything I feel at all right now, it's that. Ever present, and dominating -- that's the feeling. Right now, I'm not scared, I"m not nervous, I'm not excited, I'm not happy, I'm not sad, I'm not anything. A surprising thing for me to say, and for some of you to hear, I'm sure; but that's the way it is. It's just a knowledge of, 'This trip is different,' 'When I step off the plane, the bubble I'm in right now will be gone.' Because, really, this plane is a bubble of sorts. Here and now, my biggest worries are: "Well, damn, I can't eat the entree of my dinner because it's a curry that's too spicy for me," and, "When the flight attendant asks if I want a drink, do I answer her in English, or try out my Russian?" But everything is still so very "safe." There's still a net of English speakers, and I am still functionally fluent, and composed, and competent -- *knowledgeable.* That's the keyword, isn't it? Because in less than 7 hours, I won't be knowledgeable anymore. I won't be fluent, I won't be competent, I won't be the put-together, well-spoken girl that people in the US know me for. I will be just another person in a tough, and gritty city -- another person trying to make my way; another student trying to claw out an existence, and to attain some level of understanding as soon as I possibly can.
Will it be tough? -- Yes.
Will I be scared? -- You bet.
Will I get angry at myself? -- Do you even have to ask?
Am I going to make the most of every second in every day, every opportunity I can grab a hold of, and every contact that I come across? -- You better believe it.
I am not on this plane to Moscow for a cakewalk. I knew that going into this whole process of trying to apply, and I know that right now, even as I'm typing. I'm going to be pushing myself to the breaking point more than once, on many different levels: as a person, as an athlete, as a student, and even more. There are just some things, however, that we don't do because they are easy. We do them because they are challenges, and because there is something worthwhile waiting at the summit. If I had nothing to gain from this experience, I certainly never would have embarked on it. All I can hope is that at least some of the goals I have set for myself are attainable, and that I am surprised by surpassing even my own expectations. Of course, I'll surpass nothing if I don't work for it -- so I'll be striving for the summit with everything I've got.
Many of you may have heard me say, "I don't know what will happen after Moscow [and Paris, by extension]." That's still true, even as we speak. I have ZERO idea of what the next four months, and the next 14 months all told, are going to bring me. All I intend to do is to be open to everything, and work my butt off (not literally, fear not, all you fans of my fanny). Oh, and remember that, "Повтoрение мать учение." (Repetition is the mother of learning.) When the right things come along, I'm sure I'll have an idea of what to do next. Currently, first on the list is, "Survive," and immediately following that is, "Assimilate." Afterwards, it's, "Find a place to celebrate Chinese New Year, and play MAH JONG!!" (What??? You didn't think this piece was going to be all doom and gloom, did you? =^_~= ) Besides, finding a dance studio, coaches, and a partner all come slightly before the Mah Jong. But only just…. Ha ha ha!
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