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Back to the events of January 16th…
I completely failed at getting up on time; something I probably shouldn't be surprised by, after three trips now, back and forth between the US and Russia! But at least I managed to see myself into the shower… … Before changing right back into pajamas! He he he! How wonderful!
Also, here's a random fact for the day:
I learned where the word "clammy" comes from; and it has NOTHING to do with Clams. (Definition found and given to me, courtesy of my wonderful friend, Mark.)
Word-origins.com presents:
"Clammy
Word History
- Date of Origin 14th c.
Etymologically, clammy means ‘sticky as if smeared with clay’. It comes from the now obsolete verb clam ‘smear, stick’. This goes back to Old English clǣman, a word of ancient ancestry: its prehistoric Germanic source was *klaimjan, a verb derived from *klaimaz ‘clay’; this was formed from the base *klai-, which is also the ultimate source of English clay and can be traced back to the Indo-European base *gloi-, *glei-, *gli-, from which English gets glue and gluten. See also clay, glue"
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Not too long after I found that out, I chatted online with one of my good friends, Patrick (whom I also got to see while I was in the US).
If you don't feel like reading it now, topics involved included: a very unexpected apology from / conversation with my mum; and general career worries from myself. Otherwise, read for yourself:
Me:
It was kinda weird.
When I was home, my mutti actually apologized to me for not being more supportive when I started [dancing].
I hadn't prodded the conversation that way at all either.
I'd almost forgotten [about it], and this conversation [we've been having] reminded me.
I guess I'm still a little shocked.
Patrick:
man- that's...
hm
What did you say to her?
Me:
It's tough, because I think there's an awful lot of bitterness I could have succumbed to (and still could), not having had that support.
Always thinking, "I could have been so much better by now [if…]"
Etc.
Actually hearing the acknowledgement [the, "I'm sorry we didn't do more to support you…"], it was both painful (brings up that kind of anger/resentment) and nice to hear.
Patrick:
That must have been hard for her too
That'd be like Mozart's mom apologizing for not letting him write symphonies
Me:
No kidding, right?
Patrick:
haha
you're freaking Mozart, caitlan!
Me:
I mean, it's painful to hear, because it recognizes that, "You were good at this, you loved this, and you could be so much better -- but we didn't believe that you'd stick with it, we didn't want to do more for you with it (well, maybe not "didn't want" but just "didn't.)" etc.
And it just reminds you all over again, of how much you lost, that you have been trying not to focus on.
Patrick:
I guess it just has to be one of those 'everything happens for a reason' deals
Me:
That's the way I try to look at it
Patrick:
obviously look at what you are accomplishing now
Me:
Trying to, anyway
Patrick:
you're in RUSSIA lol
how many other people from [our town] do you think are doing what you are?
Me:
Being here is alternately amazing, and terrifying
Because it reminds me that I will never know Standard [Int'l Waltz, Tango, Foxtrot, Viennese Waltz, and Quickstep] like many of the kids here, and how I want to know it. (Thanks to all the years they were already doing it.)
And it makes me wonder how I'll ever hope to learn the guys' parts, too -- in order to be a great trainer.
I wonder if it's even possible for me to become a good trainer these days, you know?
Patrick:
do you want to teach?
Me:
Well, that was part of the, "coming to Russia to become a great dancer" thing
Patrick:
sure it is- you have all the information
Me:
Not all of it, yet.
Patrick:
well- 'all the information' from a general perspective
Me:
I mean, I'm still so worried about trying to be a good girl, that I don't know a thing about leading yet. At least, not in the Russian school.
I think it's that...
I could come back to the US, and get a job as a trainer, sure.
There are probably places that would love to have me, just as I am.
But I don't want to be one of those trainers, where someone walks in and looks around and says, "They let YOU teach?"
Or where someone says, "Yeah, I'm better than her, and she's a teacher."
Obviously, there's always someone better than you, so that's not what I mean -- if they're super amazing, great
But you know what I'm getting at, I think.
Patrick:
You'll be an awesome pro for the very fact that you're not a cold hearted person- you're bubbly and charismatic- that's one thing that no one can do like you
Me:
smiles That's very kind of you to say.
I know, it would make me stand out from the US pro/top amateur people.
That actually surprised the Russians here, when I told them how cold/bitchy people at our competitions can be.
I think we agreed it's because it's easy to be a "big fish" in the US; whereas, in Russia, EVERYONE around you is amazing.
Patrick:
YES. OmG lol
*****
So, welcome to some of the insecurities that are dogging me these days. Mostly on whether or not I've made any significant progress, in the grand scheme of things (while trying to remind myself that I haven't danced for an awfully long amount of time here, truly); what are my career options truly going to be; and, "But if this doesn't work out… What is there?"
Just general musings. With the end of my school career fast approaching, I have a feeling that these topics will come up more and more in my journals this semester…
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Moving away from more negative/depressing topics, tonight WAS actually a fun, happy night!!!
I went out-doors ice skating with Yelena (my friend with whom I've gone to the theatre some) and her friends tonight! And it was a lovely 0 degrees F out!
We had quite a bit of fun, and took some really fun pictures! I'll try to post some up on the blog, soon!
Some of the highlights of the evening:
* One of Yelena's friends got me to try some orange-flavored drink with pieces of Aloe Vera in it. Originally, I didn't want to try it, because I thought it was a soda of some kind; but I'm happy I reconsidered! It wasn't soda, and it was delicious!! [2-16-11 Note - Sadly, I haven't been able to find it anywhere yet! I want more!]
* I had a fun time trying to explain Sarcasm to the group. Surprisingly, it's really not used as much in Russian society. At least, if it is, it's used in a way that is different from how we use it in America.
I finally settled on the example of, "Okay, if you walk in wearing a terribly ugly sweater, but I tell you, "Oh, nice sweater!" -- and you can tell, by my tone, I really don't like your sweater, that's sarcasm.
** The best part is, later, I saw one of the girls' boots, really liked them, and exclaimed, "Nice boots!!"
She looked stricken for a moment, there was a flurry of Russian between her and Yelena, and then they burst out laughing. I asked, "What?? What did I miss??" And, still laughing, they said, "--Like the sweater!"
I understood immediately, that they were referencing the, "Ugly Sweater," example, and I began laughing as well, while trying to say, "No! But I really do like your boots!!!"
* After skating, Yelena, one of the guys, and I hit up a cafe, to keep talking, and hanging out.
** Of course, the conversation somehow hit politics (the friend was studying Political Science, I believe). He paid me quite the compliment, "You're the only American I've met who can talk so [on political matters]."
I realize that I'm far more aware than most Americans (my age), but I don't consider myself well-versed on political matters by any stretch, so it was quite a compliment to me.
On the political spectrum, one of the things we wound up talking about, was how in one of the Presidential elections, Putin apparently received, '178% of the vote,' in a Chechen region… I was shocked to hear it! Yelena's friend nodded and looked at me. 'Not possible…'
* Back to funny things -- I learned that the same, "Knock on wood" / on a table gesture that we use in the US for good luck means that, "someone is crazy" here in Russia!!!!!
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Then, I got home, and sometime between Midnight and 1:15 AM, I had an epic Phone Fail with Vitaly.
You see, we -- my partner and I -- had been trying to get a hold of Vitaly. When Vitaly didn't respond to Roma, it was my turn to get a hold of him. I caught him earlier in the day, but I thought that he said he would call back.
When he didn't, and it was around midnight, I texted him, asking why he didn't call.
He responded at 1:15 AM, saying he'd told ME to call HIM, not that he would call back. So then, I felt dumb. Then, we continued to text about some things, and when he eventually said, "It would be easier to call," I responded: "What are you waiting for? Call ha ha"
Guess how well that worked. =>_<= Seriously, would it have been so hard?
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In order to shake my frustration with Vitaly, I turned to chatting with my friend Mark, where Latin and Libraries were our chosen topics for the evening!
The libraries came about, because I sent him this quote:
"When I step into this library, I cannot understand why I ever step out of it." Marie de Sevigne, O Magazine, December 2003
I said that I want to have a library like that someday, and Mark responded, saying that he would have one. This led to me saying:
"I'll come to visit, and some odd hours or days later, you'll notice I've gone missing.
You'll wander into your library eventually, and find me curled up with a pile of books, a stupid grin on my face, and the mantra, "Books, books, books, books, books," issuing from me perpetually."
The rest of the conversation, and its hilarity, was rendered thusly:
Mark:
I'll make sure they're all in Latin so you'd quickly get back to the kitchen where you belong.
(too sexist?)
Me:
*laughing hysterically*
Too sexist would have been saying I couldn't read them anyway, because I'm a woman.
And that would be the reason why I'd quickly get back to the kitchen.
*more laughter*
Mark:
Well, I'd say "yeah" but then I'd be agreeing with the enemy.
*shakes fist*
Me:
=^_~= I win
Mark:
Unfortunately, no.
But your attempt was cute.
Now, daddy needs a sammich and a beer.
Me:
But if you agree with the enemy, you loose.
So, by default, I win, if you can't agree with me.
"Now, daddy needs a sammich and a beer." <-- And that, by the way, was AWESOME.
Mark:
I've trained you well.
-- As you, my gentle readers, can see: we have *zero* problems joking with each other, even on the slightly sexist jokes. Mostly, when those come up, we wind up digressing to a discussion of how the Looney Tunes, and shows of that ilk, ingrained such stereotypes in us when we were young, to the point where such jokes are still commonly acceptable in some circles.
[We're obviously still making them! Though, ours, it must be said, is a tongue in cheek humor. He knows I love to cook, and love being in the kitchen. Having cooked multi-course meals for him before, simply for fun, him telling me to, "Get in the kitchen," is really not out of the ordinary. I don't take much convincing. =^_~=]
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More sexist jokes, and a zillion more photos posted and captioned to Facebook, I passed the following time markers:
1. Still up at 4 AM. *sigh* Not good for this whole sleep schedule thing… Alack.
2. And almost 5 AM - and reading about non-standard uses for cooking spray…
And eventually:
3. Wound up going to bed at 9:30 AM.
Love,
Moscow Kitty
=^__^=
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