Journal 106 - Friendship Over...

Journal 106

Friday - 12-10-10

It's a sad day in Moscow… Apparently, my friendship with Pete, my bartending, American friend -- who was the first friend I made here in Moscow -- is over.

I informed another good friend (of ours) of what had happened, through the following message:

"As for what happened with Pete... Here's the Long and the Short of it:

Lately, I guess people have been kind of screwing him over. Promising to help out with things, and not delivering; or he's saying that the people he works with, they only care about themselves/money; no one does anything out of the kindness of their hearts, etc... So, that's been starting to really get to him.

I messaged him to say hi the other day -- he asks me if I know where to get a banquet table.

This is not a normal request in any way, shape or form. Even if we were living in the US, that'd be a toughie.

I suggest IKEA, and also that he do a Google search for furniture stores in Moscow.

But, knowing that he doesn't speak Russian, and being that I wasn't doing anything major at the time, I decided to help, and *I* started looking up stores, trying to find something that might work for him. -- I also looked to see if any of my restaurant-connected people were online, to ask them, but no one was. (One signed on later, even as things were heating up between Pete and myself, and in spite of that, I still asked for help, on Pete's behalf.)

Still, Pete said no to my ideas, "It's too late to buy anything." He apparently needed the table by 5 (and we were messaging just after noon). It seems that the Marines had promised him he could use one of their banquet type tables, but then, no one was getting back to him.

He said something to the effect of, "I help out, and do all kinds of stuff for people; but when it's my turn? ... Nada."

Of course, I was sad to hear that -- and I was bummed that my help wasn't helpful enough, so that's when I apologized, and said, "I'm sorry that I couldn't be more helpful."

And after I tried to help, did at least something, on top of him basically giving me an impossible task, at last minute -- where I wasn't even obligated to do anything, as this was for *his* job -- he tells me, "The sad thing is, is that you probably could have been -- but that would have required doing something for someone else."

*****

As I mentioned before, I felt like I got slapped in the face when he said that.

Reiterating what I mentioned above -- what was he expecting I do about the situation? Magically produce a table? I don't live here, live here -- I have no furniture of my own to dole out; I'm a student with no job -- I have no funds to do anything with; and he shot down the ideas that I did have, even while I did try to look for something for him.

Beyond all that -- the fact that he essentially lumped me in with all the "Russians," he'd been railing about -- that they don't do anything for anyone, they don't care about anyone but themselves, and they don't keep their word -- that pissed me off even more. I am NOT like that.

So I called him on it. Said something to the effect of:

'Now don't speak that way to me. I have always kept every promise I have made to you; I have helped you when you have asked me, to the best of my abilities; and when there has been need to reimburse you, I have always paid! -- I'm not trying to make this a contest about who has done what for whom ** -- but, don't lump me in with all those people you are angry with, who have screwed you over, or don't care about other people."

[** We'd gotten into that sometime last week. Mostly that, "I'd loose," if we got into a 'comparison game' about all the stuff he's done for me, vs. what I've done for him.

On that end -- yes, he's made me some amazing connections, and he's been very kind to me, when it's come to free or discounted food at times, bringing me stuff from the US, etc. BUT --

1. When he brought me stuff, I did pay, AND I said, "If there is too much, don't do it." What he chose to bring me, he *chose* to bring me. --Also, I've returned the favor, bringing him things back, too.

2. Yes, he's made me connections (like Sahsa, for the Bolshoi), or Conard and Weber (for the Marines) -- but *I* still had to conduct myself well enough to be invited to said Theatre Shows; or for you all to go, "We want to be friends with her." That's MY work, and I don't owe Pete for any of that.

3. Yes, he has been kind enough to give me some free food, or discounted stuff -- but at John Donne/Liga, I helped interpret for him [that whole, no Russian thing of his], often at the last minute, on subjects over my head; I have, in good nature, and at the last minute, humoured requests for cigarettes, candies, etc, when I've been on my way to visit him; and have surprised him before [something else he got on me about] with ponchiki, or other treats, "just because."

So, as one of my good friends put it, "I don't really see how you owe him for anything."

And I'm pissed off that he'd even think of saying, "Don't even turn this into a comparison, because you'll lose. You don't even know half the things that I've done for you."

Friendship isn't about keeping tally on what you've done for someone, or what they've done for you. And given the fact that I have no income, and am not working [to make connections, at least], I think I've done pretty well for bringing to our friendship how I can. ]

-- Back to the story --

So, he said the bit about, "Don't make this a comparison," again, and then said the bit about how I don't even know half of what's been done for me -- said he was, "tired of phony friends. Goodbye."

And that was the last I heard from him.

Checked his FB page, just to confirm my hunch - he's removed me as a friend.

And that's what's happened.

I stood up for myself, against an uncalled for show of ungraciousness and rudeness, and he canned me."

*****

That, or I was canned for not being enough of a magician to be able to produce a table.

… Terrible jokes about the situation aside, I'm truly caught between anger, and terrible sadness, that such a good friendship should end so quickly, so violently (in manner of suddenness and anger level involved), and without any good reason at all, along with a smear of my character. It's hurtful, and disappointing.

**********

Something slightly happier:

I found an application on Facebook that allows one to see their, "Year In Status Updates." It was truly very interesting to look at!

Mostly, because it unintentionally became a log for my first year in Russia!

Here's the photo:

**********

Excursion - "behind the scenes at the zoo" -- backstage before a show started.

Saw a GORGEOUS snowflake before we went inside. Spokes radiating off of a circle -- but the perimeter of that circle was composed entirely of *little* circles, one right next to each other, which formed that "body" circle!! I've never seen anything like it!! (I know snowflakes are all different -- I mean that I've never even seen a shape even approaching looking like that flake.)

Pretty nifty - though a group of us did get lost momentarily.

Saw some new "acts in formation" being presented.

Animals to take pictures with started being brought out as we were getting ready to leave. Baby tiger, bear, dogs half as big as I am (if not more)…

**********

I went to practice afterwards. Worked with Roma for a little longer tonight. Closer to two hours. Finally. :|

Journal 105 - Falconry = Insta-Awesomeness

Journal 105

Thursday - 12-9-10

Class with Russians

**********

It was a disappointing, and slightly embarrassing night at the dance studio -- but with some bright spots at the end, thanks to the kids:

I was looking forward to practice with my partner tonight; after not seeing him since Monday's lesson. I was to be disappointed again.

He showed up more than 20 min late, if you say that he said he was going to show at 7:30; he was almost an hour late, if you say he was going to show at 7. [He had told me he would be there sometime between those to times.]

So, in theory, he at least showed up at 8, and we had the time to practice for two hours. Instead, he was only there for an hour and some change. And we didn't even practice for a whole hour, I don't think. (There was a fair amount of time spent, as usual, standing around; me waiting for him to decide he was ready to start dancing; me waiting for him to stop staring at/watch God knows whom or what.)

Then, I guess he was tired, and he decided to go home early.

That was the disappointing part of the evening.

The embarrassing part happened earlier, before Roma showed up.

Larissa, one of the head trainers of the studio (former Amateur and National champion of Russia, etc.), the reason for my being allowed to dance there, and the one who found Roma for me, came up to me -- in the middle of one of her lessons!! -- because she saw me practicing, alone, *again.*

She actually asked me, "Why are you all alone? Where is your partner? I've only seen you these last few days."

And it's true. I've basically been in the studio for about 4 hours every day since Monday, including Monday.

And Roma won't be there tomorrow, again. *Maybe* he will be there on Saturday.

So, that's all the depressing stuff with dance from today.

*****

On the bright side, however!!

Nikita about melted my heart, when he came up to me, sat down, and heaved an, "I'm so tired!" type of sigh (as only 12 year old boys can do), and when I scratched his back as he sat down, he just automatically scooted closer to me, and put his head on my shoulder/upper chest.

It was pretty much adorable. *Seriously* adorable. There were major warm and fuzzies.

I'm glad I have no, "You must make babies!" biological clock; because if I did, that probably would have kicked it.

*****

Later on, some cha cha version of "Mambo Italiano" played; and I said, "This reminds me of my old partner -- I have a picture of him…"

(A group of four of the little kids were around: Nikita and Elya, and Sasha and Angelina.)

And of course, they were all like, "Let us see!!!"

But then I had to step out; so I left my iPhone with them, so they could look at the picture. As I suspected they might, they went through my other pictures -- and found the

falconry ones.

So when I came back, they were all just breathless with questions! Such as:

"Is this your bird?!?!"

"You've *held* one of those birds?!"

"Is that your grandpa?" (About the photos with my falconry master in them.)

"Is that an Owl?" (A picture of me with a Great Horned Owl on my arm.)

"What's this one??" (A Red-Tailed Hawk)

Thus, they found out I've done some work with falconry.

*****

Thanks to all that, now I'm even more convinced that they think I'm one of the coolest people who has ever lived.

I would still KILL to dance like they do (in certain aspects), more importantly, how I know that they will dance someday (because they're being raised with it) -- and yet, they think I'm just awesome.

Knowing that helps me hold my head up at the end of the day, some days.

-- As a note on that, and not to be over-estimating the connection I have with any of these kids, but I think it would be really cool if I could manage to keep a connection with them as they are growing up. In something like a mentor/"older sibling" capacity. [That's what it feels like I have with them right now anyway; the, "my crazy, foreign relative" feel.]

I've been lucky enough to have had mentors in my life (like my falconry master, for instance), and I just think it would be cool to potentially be in that situation, with the international twist on it.

This idea maybe also stems from the fact that I have am fortunate to have met some very sweet little kids, in a place where many people seem... Well, not so nice sometimes.

(That statement does not include any of the people I've talked about when relating encounters that I've been blessed to have here in this city. If I were do that, it would be like including every single outlier from an experiment's data stream! XD )

Unfortunately, that idea of being a good mentor figure for these kids will probably only truly be feasible if I wind up moving here to work, etc. Just given the age that they are at -- I highly doubt that, if I should have to leave for good in May, that we would stay in touch. Though I would certainly love to keep up with how they are doing, and I would definitely be willing to welcome them to the US if they ever wanted to travel there. (Some of them have already told me that they want to come and visit!)

***********

Back at home, I'm up far too late for my own good, but that's yielded the following gems:

1. A friend dubbing me, "First Name / Middle Name / McBootypants / Cook."

[For any of you who know me in person, you will understand the reference to what is arguably one of my best assets.]

2. My discovering the song from the Russian cartoon, "Nu Pogodi!" 's first episode, which is only featured for maybe 10 seconds, only a whistling of the tune, at that -- and yet, I fell completely in love with it, when I heard it, 2-3 years ago, now.

It is called, "Pesnya O Druge" (Song About A Friend), and the version I loved is by Vladimir Vysotsky. ["Песня О Друге" - Владимир Высотский]

With that feat of music-finding accomplished, however, now it's time for bed -- at almost 4 AM…

Journal 104 - "Getting To Know You" / "My Angel Is A Centerfold"

Journal 104

Wednesday - 12-8-10

Class

**********

I had no word from Vitaly all day, so, of course, no lessons. And there was no Roma at practice, God only knows why; so, it was just me again… Working…

Apparently, Vitaly sent me a message while I was practicing. He apologized for not writing sooner -- which was at least courteous, I guess -- but then he ruined it by essentially insulting my intelligence, and calling attention to the fact that he'd failed to set up lessons for me today.

"Katya, I'm sorry I didn't write you earlier," [<--This is ok. At least there is an apology.]

"You've already understood there won't be any lessons today…"

[<-- Yeah, I got the message, thanks. You not writing for two days when you said you would took care of that.]

I responded, "It was clear," and then just told him to write me whenever he knew his schedule.

The answer was something to the effect of, "I'll write when I come back."

Which means he's off to another competition this weekend -- one in Shanghai, I think -- and I won't see him until well after next Monday, I am sure… Great.

**********

I traveled homewards on the metro with Sveta, Artëm's partner. It was really, really, nice getting to know her better!! And the chat was full of interesting things...

We talked about how we (and most everyone in Russian Club) had come to Moscow for dance, for the club. She'd been invited by Larissa herself. Seems Sveta's parents were also dancers, so she was raised dancing -- and when Larissa saw Sveta in some competitions, she always was telling her to come to Moscow.

So, Sveta said that she and I are alike, in that way. We're both willing to give up anything, and move wherever for dance. Trying to chase our dreams. It was nice to hear her say we were alike.

*****

That led into us chatting briefly, about how the great thing about Russian Club was that everyone who is there ALL have such unique styles. This was because I had mentioned something about that I was trying desperately to learn all the little things, such as how to use my arms, how to bring personality into technique -- essentially, I'm trying to find, "my style." It's rather difficult to do; so I'm trying to look at the girls in the studio, and learn from them, and find myself, and, and, and, ad nauseum. Attempting to assuage my worries some, Sveta pointed out that that really cool thing about Russian Club is that [paraphrasing], 'No two people dance alike at all.'

This is not to say that the girls are all not amazing -- because they are *incredible* -- it is meant to say that, even though the same coaches are working with people, everyone has their own unique way of dancing (due to body type, personality, etc.), and it is fascinating, and thrilling to get to look at everyone, and to see how different, but still beautiful, they are.

*****

We talked about our ages -- how I wished I was as young as everyone thinks I am, and how everyone thinks she is older than her partner by a few years, when, in fact, she is younger by a few years!! Funny.

*****

She asked me how things were going with dance, and I confided a little bit about my frustrations with being the "only one" there, and feeling like I didn't have a coach -- and how nobody was writing when they said they would.

She said, when it comes to the, "Just write me a little note!" About all the girls feel that way, and all the boys aren't so good at it. *laughs* It doesn't change the fact that I'm still frustrated about it -- but I did get to laugh about it in the moment, and commiserate with someone who understood.

**********

My quiet night at home was interrupted by one helluva'n, "Angel Is A Centerfold" moment -- more or less.

It seems that someone with whom I'm slightly better than acquaintances with did a centerfold spread for a ladies magazine. Talk about a shock moment when the photos showed up on my Facebook profile!!

I chatted and laughed with a good friend about it (who also knows him), and we reminisced about old times, when we used to see him.

Life can be funny in what it brings you.

Love,

Moscow Kitty

=^__^=

Journal 103 - Resistance Is Futile... And Fruity

Journal 103

Tuesday - 12-7-10

I never heard from Vitaly. Go figure.

Also, Roma couldn't show up to practice early -- and even though I didn't have hustle today, I didn't want to stick around later (I was really tired...) -- so we didn't practice together, again. But I was at the studio from 5 until 7:30 ish, so I got a good practice in, at least.

While at the studio, I saw Sasha and Angelina (two of Vitaly's students), who were having a lesson with him. Continuing on the theme I mentioned yesterday -- where I have NO idea what is going on between Vitaly and I anymore -- at one point during the lesson he was giving them, we caught eyes, and he winked at me (that flirty, charming kind of wink). Of course, because I'm a sucker for winks, in general, I smiled and laughed, and continued on my way. But seriously? What's with the "ignore - charming - ignore - charming" cycle? I just don't get it. And I am pretty sure I'm just going to stop thinking about it. It might make my life a little easier -- because I'm almost entirely sure there's no rhyme or reason to anything anymore.. = @_@ =

**********

I left just before the group class started -- and as I was on my way out, I basically stopped and had a lengthy conversation with Slava (the guard who is fond of me).

We hadn't chatted for awhile, and I wasn't truly in any kind of a rush, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to talk to him. (I've rushed past him the last bunch of times I've seen him, and I felt kinda bad about it...)

The line of questions from Slava was pretty fatherly -- of course, he told me once I remind him of his daughter, so I wasn't too surprised.

--

Any love?

How's the language?

Holiday plans?

I don't have anything to share... Do you drink milk? Let me get you some milk!

Well, how about apples?! -- Stay there, I'll give you an apple!

Oh, you're going on the Metro? I'll wash it for you!!

--

And by the time he came back from washing it, and giving it to me -- Vitaly and Andrei (one of the amazing dancers/other trainers -- only found out his name tonight) appeared at the end of the hall...

By the time they caught up to us, I'd finished thanking Slava, and telling him it was truly time for me to go. They heard me use his name, and as the doors shut behind us, Vitaly asked (almost disdainfully, it seemed), "You know the name of the guard??"

I said yes; and that I'd been there chatting with him, because he'd just given me an apple -- they started laughing/making fun on that, and asked why on earth he did so.

I tried to explain how it had happened -- but I guess I messed up saying, "When I first met him," because Vitaly and Andrei both burst out laughing.

-- I'd like to say here that it is terribly intimidating when two, attractive, 20-something men are laughing at you, because you've just messed up something in their language -- and when they proceed to set in to teasing you. It's not that I can't take a joke... What follows was funny, certainly -- but it was a highly stressful situation for me, simply because it felt like I had no way to "fight back," as I've called it before. I can't joke back, when I feel like I'm getting railroaded for having messed up the language in the first place. Also, there are a million and a half social markers influencing the scene, when you consider that Vitaly and Andrei would be among the Alpha Males of a system I rank at the bottom of -- thus, I already feel like I'm not dealing with peers, but superiors, though they may be in my age group. Superiors are people you want to impress, not people you want laughing at you. Understand? --

So, I started trying to explain what I'd meant again -- and Vitaly asked, "What?"

Andrei started to explain, "She's asking how to say, "The first time she met --"

I started to feel relieved, that he was going to explain it, and it was going to be okay --

"-- the apple!!" [Which Slava had just given me.]

-- and I realized that I was not going to get out easy.

I think Vitaly followed with something along the lines of telling me not to bring a banana [to the studio] tomorrow, or some such nonsense.

Vitaly parted from us; and Andrei and I went off in the same direction.

"I was just joking, you know…" He said, giving me a sidelong glance.

"I know…" I said, smiling. I appreciated his wanting to make the point that he wasn't being mean.

He asked where I was from (referenced slightly as I was trying to explain my connection to Slava), and I said that I was from the US, didn't he know?

Apparently not.

We didn't chat for long -- he needed to cross the street sooner rather than later, so we said our goodbyes.

… And 5 seconds later, some man who'd been walking his dog near us, comes up and asks me, "Does he like you?"

"How should I know?!?" I responded.

He might have been saying, "He likes you," but I'm almost certain the intonation was that of a question.

Aiya…

**********

Went to Hustle.

**********

I wrote Vitaly when I got home, reminding him to please tell me about lessons for tomorrow… No word… *sigh*

Journal 102 - Chopped Liver?

Journal 102

Monday - 12-6-10

Class

**********

I was supposed to have two lessons tonight, with Roma; but Vitaly was running late again, so we only had a lesson and a half. At least that's better than just one lesson…!

*****

As far as things are going with Vitaly, I really don't even know what kind of relationship to say that I have with him anymore. Before our lesson, I was sitting next to Roma, *right* next to him; when Vitaly came up, he said hi to Roma -- handshake/hug, etc. -- and didn't say a word to me. Then, he walked off in another direction, leaving Roma to just look at me and laugh, as I looked at him and said (in English), "What am I? Chopped liver?!?" Switching back to Russian, I just laughed it off, saying, "I *told* you he likes you better…" [That same "joke" of ours is the reason Roma looked at me and laughed in the first place. It didn't escape his notice either, that Vitaly had not greeted me.]

Now, I don't know if this is "karma," or what -- and I really hope it's not, because as much as some of you following this may say, "Good!" to what I am about to relate -- it's really not...

Vitaly broke his hand over the weekend, at the competition he went to. Not only broke his hand, but broke his *lead* hand, *in the final* during the *second to last dance.* I don't even have words for how much that sucks. Apparently, during their Paso Doble, his partner's heel hit his hand (from what I understand), and she broke the 5th metatarsal (the long bone in your hand, in line with your pinky).

The hand that is broken is his left hand -- which, as I said earlier, is the hand he needs to lead with!!!!!!! This means that he cannot dance with me, really, as the lead, until his hand heals. Bad news. It means I'm going to loose out on working on my connection for the next some-odd weeks.

*****

The lesson... Well, I suppose it went alright. I'm still hearing more of I'm not doing stuff right -- which is true. Still, I'm frustrated to the point of, "I wish I could get it right, just once!!!" I am trying...

I need to be faster in Rumba - though I'm still trying to master just how to make the speed Vitaly wants happen in my body. Then there's a part where I'm supposed to spin (without moving far), then travel an insane amount, with one spin -- and I was in trouble because I wasn't moving far enough away. I guess I was worried about not having clean feet -- but it doesn't matter what I was worried about -- it only matters that I didn't do it correctly.

Got my butt smacked again -- and got mocked again when I jumped from it. :| This only gave me the thought -- 'So... You can't say hi, but smacking my ass is no problem... Uh-*huh.*'

Samba drew the verdict that Roma needs to give me a better frame to move in, and that we need to have more accents (we also need the same in Rumba).

It seems our Cha Cha is the best out of everything we have so far -- after we danced it for Vitaly, he said, "Not bad."

Jive proved to be an exercise in frustration, when we began to work on the side-by-side section. It wasn't that I didn't know the steps -- the count wound up being the issue.

You see, Roma and I had agreed, previously, on how we wanted the count to be. I still have no idea why, but he decided to change it again -- so then I looked like I had no idea what I was doing, and when I asked him, "I thought we agreed on this already," he said something to the effect of making it sound like, "Are you sure that's not just what you wanted to do?" I was actually hurt by the statement. What can you do though?

I kid you not, we went through about 4 different possible counts in the next 5 minutes or so -- and I am the one who kept getting in trouble when I didn't do it right, because they'd just have changed it again!! I was definitely frustrated.

Finally, we got it worked out, and we have a proper end for it now -- so that's all good, I suppose.

Roma left once our lesson was over -- I stayed to practice... Essentially, I was in the studio working from 5:30 until 10:30. (Larissa had a lesson that started late, so there was more time to work. I took it.) I rested for maybe a total of a half an hour during all that time, so I wasn't dancing *quite* for 5 hours... Still, after not dancing for 3 days, I was so frustrated with myself, I was basically in a, "You have to work." mood.

Let me tell you, it HURT when I got home!! Oh, man, I'd have killed to have had someone to rub a ton of tiger balm into my back and hips. Ouch.

*****

Vitaly said he'd write me later about lessons tomorrow and Wednesday... So far, that hasn't happened... *sigh*